The Life Flashing Before My Eyes
by iceangelmkx
Summary: (Contains SPOILERS) One-shot. Nicholas D. Wolfwood thinks back on his life.


**A/N: Hello, it's been quite some time since I've been in this section (though my other Trigun fic is no longer on this site). I'm sure this type of fic has been done before, but I wanted to put my input as well. This is also my first time writing in first person, so please go easy on me.**

**Warning: This fic contains _spoilers_.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Trigun, nor do I own the show.**

**The Life Flashing Before My Eyes**

Everything in my life seemed as though it was only yesterday. Sometimes, that past life seemed as though it was nothing to you. At least that's how it was until you realized that you were on the brink of death.

I had just finished the duel with my former master Chapel the Evergreen. Even before the duel began, I knew that today was my last day on this damn planet. I didn't think it…I knew it. For some, if they knew they were going to die, even before the diagnose or receiving the wound, it was going to be a slow death, possibly a painful one.

Neither one of us was killed right away in the duel. I had managed to shoot Chapel in the shoulder. As he dropped his Cross-punisher, which was similar to my own, only they split into two, my childhood memories came to my mind.

I became an orphan when I was two, left behind after my parents were brutally murdered by thieves. I never found out whether those thieves were ever caught. Sadly, my first childhood memory was seeing my parents on the floor surrounded by their own blood.

When the police came in, they took me to a foster home in the middle of nowhere. I would stay there until I was four. I was a loner there, always picked on by the other children and they would scapegoat me, making the employees there believe that I was the one who did something that would get me into trouble.

Soon enough, I was put in a home of a construction worker and his wife, who was to be my new guardian. Everything seemed fine at first, until the wife disappeared leaving her husband in a state of depression. It wouldn't be that long after that I would endure in his abuse. My next three years were spent working around the house to satisfy him. If I hadn't, he would have the sadistic pleasure in beating me. Even after the events at the orphanage, my life was still a living hell.

One day at age seven while he was out, I was cleaning out the draws when I spotted a small black pistol at the very bottom. I knew he owned the gun, but never knew where he put it. I looked into the gun to see if there were any bullets. I saw the shiny metal inside. I stuffed it away under my shirt and continued with my chores.

When he came home, not everything was done. For a bit, he beat me senselessly until the gun fell out from my shirt. He grew more angry asking me where I found it. Just before he could beat me some more, I managed to grab the gun from the floor and without hesitating, I pulled the trigger.

It was my first gunshot, but it wouldn't be my last.

The bullet went into his head, instantly killing him. I didn't pity him at all. How dare this man gives himself the title 'guardian!' Guardians was supposed to guide you in life, not hurt you.

I stood there frozen in my place. The gun was still in my hands, the smoke coming out of the hole. After what seemed like forever, I did something I hadn't done since I could remember…I smiled.

That flash ended and I found myself looking down at Chapel, who had fallen on his knees gasping for breath. I stood there for a minute before I walked up to him. Wouldn't you know, the entire time of our duel, he had been holding a large green apple.

I slightly bent down and grabbed that apple from his hand. I smirked to myself a little as I looked at the apple. It took me 20 years just to grab that damn fruit.

Another part of my life flashed before me.

After killing that man, I wandered around the town wondering where I was going to be next. Would I end up in a loving home? Would I end up in hell again?

You could say that was in between when I stumbled upon a small church. No one was there except for two men. I hardly remember the bearded man, but the other man was the priest…someone who would train me for the next 20 years. Yes, that would be Chapel.

I had ended up carrying the gun with me and it was the first thing Chapel noticed. At first, I thought he would throw me out of the church, but instead, he said, "I will teach you more about shooting."

So then I was adopted into his home. Which meant that once my training was done, I would become a member of the Gung-Ho-Guns, a groups of assassins with unspeakable abilities. I never had anything special like that, but it seemed that Chapel saw potential in me at first glance.

Besides discipline and shooting at dummies, he wanted to test out my reflexes. That's where that damn green apple came in. For years, I've tried to grab it, but never succeeded. I had good aim and I was quite disciplined…but I was not quick enough.

For years, I would be trained under Chapel and also meet his superiors including Legato Bluesummers, who lead the Gung-Ho-Guns. A couple of times, I met the man who ran the whole show…Millions Knives. He had always mentioned a person named 'Vash' but I never, at the time, got much other details.

Once Chapel felt that I was ready, I would be given my first solo assignment, the assignment which will officially grant me the membership as a Gung-Ho-Gun.

I stared down at the apple again as Chapel finally caught his breath. I did the one thing I always wanted to do…I took a bit.

"Mmm, this is really good," I said out loud. Okay, I never actually ate an apple before, so sue me. Chapel looked up at me a bit bewildered. I looked back at him. "May you go in peace with God." I turned around and began walking. "Oh, and thanks for the apple."

Oh yes, I forgot to mention the one good thing that kept me going in life. I became a priest as well. A church was built about 300 iles from December. It was also a house for orphans. I had decided to take in orphans so that they didn't have to go through what I had been through. Even when money was tight, we still had good times.

I smirked to myself. I thought about those kids back in December. They were currently being watched over by the landlord and a couple of hired employees. I had gotten letters from the children, many of them wishing for me to come back home. I lived because of these children.

My thoughts stopped suddenly when I heard the clicking of a gun. I quickly turned around and aimed my cross punisher. Chapel aimed his gun right at me. I didn't even have to see his eyes to know that he was full of fear. I suddenly realized that it wasn't him aiming the gun at me.

It was Legato. That telekinetic bastard.

The gun was fired a few times. I dodged all the bullets except one, which pierced through my abdomen and lodged itself inside. I screamed in pain and fell to the ground. The time had come. I was still alive, but it would only be a matter of time.

Chapel's look of fear seemed to have frozen on to his face. I slowly got myself up with the help of my punisher. I nodded at him, letting him know that I forgave him, and carried my feet forward. As I did, all of my past sins came before me…I had decided my last deed. To find the closest church and confess my sins, something that I had never done before.

Why the sudden idea? Well, the idea came to me when I saw the red-coated blond haired figured looking down sadly while sitting on top of an old convertible. He was a complete saint compared to me.

Vash the Stampede.

Yes, the name Knives mentioned a couple of times and my first assignment…to bring Vash to Knives alive. I knew it was going to be a tough assignment since Vash was known as the humanoid typhoon, leaving trouble behind wherever he goes.

It was my luck that when my motorcycle broke down and I was forced to walk that there was a tour bus iles away. It so happened that Vash was on that bus with two insurance girls named Milly and Meryl, who were assignment to accompany time to keep him out of trouble. They had taken a sand steamer to the city of May, where I was heading to. Such coincidence.

Unfortunately for them, the sand steamer was hijacked by bandits and it was quite nearly destroyed. Everyone lived except for one crew member who was fatally shot by the leader.

Vash had spotted me when I was only the size of a spec. The driver of the bus came closer and they took me in.

Since then, Vash and I had too many adventures to count. He can be quite annoying, but he has a good heart. Matter of fact, Vash became my true friend, my first if you ask me.

I also became great friends with the insurance girls. I was quite interested in Milly, who was very different from most girls I've met. She was carefree and she just went on doing things I just couldn't do. Sometimes, I wish I was like her.

There was a long time when I didn't see the three of them. I spent most of that time traveling around trying to make money. I bumped into Vash, who was in hiding then, in a small town, I forgot the name. We went on more adventures since.

Well, now here we are. He was sitting there as though the world collapsed. Vash knew I came up to him when he spoke. "I failed," he said. "Another person took their life when I tried to reason with them." Tears formed in his eyes. He hadn't looked up at me at all. I wondered if he knew I was dying right there then.

I forced a smile. "Mistakes happen, learn from them, you'll do better next time."

Vash sighed. "I could never understand. Sometimes, I wish I was like you Wolfwood."

I nodded a little. I began walking away but as I did, I told him something I knew. I told him where Knives was, in the town of Demitrihi. Vash had been hunting him for years.

Vash was shocked to hear this. "What? How did you know that?" He looked up, but I was long gone. All that was left was a trail of blood.

I forced myself to get to that church. When I spotted it, more flashes came to me.

At one point, we had found a handful of children who were abandoned by their own parents. Vash, the girls, and I took care of them for a couple of days. In secret, I knew one of them…Zazie the Beast, a member of the Gung-Ho-Gun. He was a demon trapped inside a child's body. I didn't not want to startle anyone and I planned on confronting him later.

That confrontation came at a time where I had no choice. After being chased down by man-eating worms, Zazie revealed himself and threatened to kill everyone. Vash, being the 'hunter of peace,' tried to reason with him. Vash claimed that he was started to reason when I pulled the trigger, killing Zazie. Everyone was angry with me for what I did, but the person who was more angry with me…was me.

This was especially after seeing the look in Milly's eyes. There were full of innocence, but it had that hint of disappointment as she looked at me. I begged in my mind for her to stop looking at me like that. I felt like a jerk. I wasn't good enough for anything.

"We're too different, you and I," I said to Vash, who was quite angry with me. Before anything else happened, I slowly began walking away. Milly still kept her eyes at me and I felt a sudden emotional pain in my chest.'

The flash left as I reached for the doors of the church. It was abandoned, just like the rest of the town we were in. "It's been a while," I called out. I stepped forward towards the altar. My body began to feel heavy to me and I realized, after many years of carrying it, my cross punisher became heavy as well.

I got down on my knees and looked up at the cross on the wall. "I have been helping people with their sins…but this is my first time confessing mine."

I talked to God about my past. As I did, flashes of the more recent events came to me.

We came to this town, which we knew was abandoned. Knives left his name on a stone in the middle of town. As I was fixing my bike there, Chapel found me. There was a new plan in my long-term assignment…now instead of bringing Vash alive, I had to kill him. I was suddenly faced with choices…betray my best friend, or betray the Gung-Ho-Guns.

That night, I thought about everything in my hotel room and smoked countless cigarettes. As I did, Milly came in. She had made sandwiches and coffee for me. We ended up talking about the incident involving Zazie. Flashes came to me about what happened that day. I soon muttered, "Where did I go wrong?" and, for the first time in years, broke down into tears. Milly comforted me and I let myself cry in her arms for a bit. She begged me to eat the sandwich she made me. I asked her to eat them with me.

We ended up making love that night. Because of my occupation as a priest, I had committed another sin, but I didn't care, just like the couple of other times I had sex. But this was completely different from the others. It was Milly's first time and I felt like it was my first time as well. We felt completely connected and we understood each other better than anyone else.

The morning of the duel, I asked her to not leave the room until I came back. I didn't want anything to happen to her while I was gone.

I confronted Vash. We settled our difference, but at the cost of nearly ripping each other's throats. It stopped suddenly when the sniper, Caine the Longshot started firing at us. I told Vash to go get him. Chapel wasn't far.

It was Vash's mission for love and peace that made my decision to not kill Chapel in the duel, even after I won.

But that decision would cost me my life.

A lot happened in my life. Could I have lived it differently at all? I asked God that. Of course, there was no answer. I had to find the answer myself.

I took out a cigarette. I wanted just one last smoke. I lit it up and breathed in the tobacco which burned into my throat. I smiled a little. It was then that a little voice came into my head. It belonged to Milly;

"Smoking is bad for the baby, honey?"

This was when we rescued a girl and hid her under Milly's garments so that she wouldn't be seen. Upon thinking about that memory, I let the cigarette fall to the floor.

It was then that I thought of the after-life…Paradise…my Paradise. Everyone would be happy there, no war, no fighting, just peace and harmony. The orphans would be there. My friends would be there…Vash…the girls…

The pain hit me then. Death was coming closer, but I realized something, and I told it to God. "I'm not ready yet!" I looked up at the cross again. I immediately saw Vash and Meryl's faces smiling down at me. They soon disappeared and I saw Milly's innocent face smiling at me.

I couldn't leave her behind! Not like this!

The tears fell from my eyes then. "Please!" I begged. "I don't want to die!"

My plea came too late as my entire body went limp. My eyes stayed opened for a bit. As I fell into the cold sleep of death, it all came to me one last time…the life flashing before my eyes…


End file.
